You've Got to be Kidding Me
by PinkStarz
Summary: [post-series, spoilers] It's a strange thing, realizing you love someone when it's too late. Then again, Ed doesn't know the meaning of defeat. (EdxWinryxRoy)


(Disclaimer: I don't own _Full Metal Alchemist_. If I did, Roy Mustang would be the one in a mini-skirt)

(A/N: Spoilers galore for those of you who haven't watched up to the ending. For those of you that know about the movie, I'm just borrowing the premise of the 'Other World'. Snake Envy will be nonexistent...because I don't like Envy is beaten by Envy fans. Also, Angst!Ed annoys me. I like Ed as the evil plotter that he is...was...whatever, which is why this fic will be different from other post-ending Edxalter!Winry fics. This is going to start out somewhat dismal, but please don't be thrown off. It's a good mix of drama, humor and romance. Also, sorry about the ambiguous summary I hate doing that, but I didn't want to spoil the ending for others.)

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You've Got to be Kidding Me

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_(post-series, spoilers) It's a strange thing, realizing you love someone when it's too late. Then again, Ed doesn't know the meaning of defeat.

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.One._

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Black didn't justify the penetrating and overwhelming shade that surrounded him, seemingly seeping into his body. His body willed to reach out and to feel something of substance; however, his nerves disagreed and he remained standing, frozen in stature.

His face twisting in frustration, he tried to close his eyes. Instead, he discovered that they had been closed all along.

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Munich, Germany

1923

"...and ten grams of sulphur should do it..." announced Alphonse Heiderich, his blue eyes sparkling in anticipation while he focused on the vial in his hand. Grabbing a scoop of the yellow pungent powder, he slowly poured it in and then eagerly observed the reaction.

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

"Uh, Edward, did you remember to put the ammonium nitrate in?" Alphonse asked slowly, wondering whether he should bother looking at his partner or simply dismiss the entire thing. As he expected, Edward answered with a bewildered, "what?", answering all of his questions with a single word.

"You're too distracted..." Alphonse muttered, although it was obviously unnecessary. "I think your father is right."

Edward stiffened. "...And what did that bastard say?"

A smile tugged on the corner of Alphonse's mouth and he realized that in order to respond, he would have to place the beaker down. "That you should get married."

"_WHAT!"_ There was the loud sound of beakers shattering and some sizzling as various chemicals burned through their wooden worktable.

"That's what Mr.Elric said, not me!" Alphonse cried out, dodging out of the way. With his lips bent into a slight frown and golden brows furrowed, Alphonse observed Edward, whose body had now bent in an effort to regain some energy after exploding like he did.

When he had first met Edward Elric, the man had been seemed overly vigilant with others, offering the slightest smile but his golden eyes seemingly unable to offer a glint. He even flinched when touched by someone, which was why Alphonse found it bizarre that Edward had warmed up to him so easily. In the lab he would openly joke, outside he would tease him like an older brother to his younger sibling. However, at times Alphonse would find Edward staring at him with an expression that placed him at unease. It was difficult to tell which direction Edward's emotions would drift in a day -well, unless you voiced that he was short. Alphonse found a slight smile tug at his lips at the memory of the first day that they met.

"_E-Edward Elric..." the older man said, holding out his hand. His eyes were narrowed in examination and Alphonse found himself tugging at his collar nervously._

_ "Heh... you're shorter than I thought..." Alphonse offered, hoping to break the tension with his supposed 'light' joke. The result was Edward exploding like a grenade and Alphonse running for his life._

"Yeah...yeah, you're right..." Edward managed through his heaving. He straightened his posture and returned to his work; however, Alphonse could see a twitch that came sporadically on his lips and knew that the comment had placed him in a bad mood.

"...I don't think you're ready for marriage, anyway," Alphonse offered, finally moving to retrieve another book. Running his fingers over the leather-bound spines of the books stacked chaotically in the wooden case, Alphonse continued. "You're still young and absorbed in your work."

"Funny how you're the one telling me this," Edward said with a soft smile on his lips. Once again the distant look filled his eyes focusing on the floor, and Alphonse repressed a sigh.

"Ammonium nitrate," he announced, dropping the subject altogether. When Edward lifted his head to meet Alphonse's gaze, the younger man was smiling too brightly. "Would you mind buying some?"

"Not at all...Let me just get my coat."

Lethargically, Edward passed Alphonse and retrieved his long coat, draped over the back of a chair. He was pulling his right arm through the sleeve when the phone suddenly rang. As always, Alphonse rushed to it. There never was an excited expression on his face from the sound of the shrill ring. Instead, he usually dropped what he was doing and quickly answered the phone, as if placed precariously in a life or death situation. In a sense it was truth -to Alphonse, this research meant everything to him. He couldn't allow any mistakes or forsake years of work. For someone his age, Alphonse had accomplished an astounding amount of research, and the expectations of him in the scientific community were high.

"Hello, Alphonse Heiderich speaking. Ah, Oberth! Yes, the fluid seems to be coming along quite nicely. Yes... yes, well, it may take a little longer than I had first thought... What?" In an instant, Alphonse's relaxed form tensed like he had been struck with multiple pins. "But that's too soon...Why?" Now he looked hesitantly over at Edward as if seeking his approval before turning away with a suddenly determined expression on his soft features. "Well, if he really will give us the money, that's all we care about. It's fine, Oberth. Really. Goodbye."

The heavy black receiver was gently placed back into its cradle, Alphonse's back still facing Edward.

"What did he say?" Edward asked, taking a step toward Alphonse. His arm slipped out of the jacket's sleeve and onto the floor. "Al?"

When Alphonse turned to face Edward, a large smile graced him. "It seems that we have a new patron."

"Really?" The excitement in Edward's tone was somewhat forced from ambivalence. Although they desperately needed funds for their research, the more interest people displayed in them, the more restrictions were placed on them. If anyone discovered his true goal, he would be deemed insane and institutionalized. He had already been warned by his father to watch what he said about their own world.

The younger scientist sighed, his crystal blue eyes rolling heavenward. "I know him, somewhat... He inherited most of his wealth and has placed investments into people like us." He smirked. "From every success, he's benefited more than the inventors themselves. Amazingly, the hyperinflation hasn't even touched him..."

Edward frowned. "We have no choice, then."

"No..." Shaking his head, Alphonse's sad smile dissipated in favor of a quick stretch of his arms and breaking into a grin. "But he won't be here until tomorrow. I'm sure we can finish the rocket fuel by then."

A familiar glint livened Alphonse's eyes and upon noticing it, Edward smirked devilishly. "I'll be back before you know it."

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The next morning, Edward awoke slumped onto the wooden work table, the sickly sweet smell of chemicals barely noticeable to him. Groggily straitening up, he realized that some acid had slightly eaten through the synthetic skin covering the fingers on his right hand. Bits of metal were exposed grotesquely and he sighed, wondering how much money he had to fix it.

The hyperinflation in Germany was beyond anything he had seen in his own world. People couldn't even afford the staples of living and the amount of marks in his pocket were only good enough to help light the stove. His father was making money in his own way and sending bits over, but it was rarely enough.

Their last patron had unfortunately become penniless by the time the inflation had destroyed most of Germany. However, Alphonse and Edward continued with their research on rocket science. Many times he and Alphonse had to sacrifice their money for chemicals instead of food. For the past month, all they had been surviving on were potatoes. Even the small board they shared was decrepit, the walls with chips in them, no electricity and one window shattered.

"Morning," Alphonse chirped, in an unusually good mood. He placed a cup of steaming clear liquid in front of Edward and sat down next to him. "As long as it's warm, it's filling, right?"

"Right," Edward said, yawning loudly soon afterward. Alphonse Heiderich, the splitting image of Edward's younger brother Alphonse Elric, was perhaps the only thing linking Edward to this reality. His personality even matched that of Al, making it difficult for Edward to remember that the man in front of him was not Alphonse Elric, but someone else entirely. They didn't share the same blood -they were merely acquaintances with a common love for science.

But still...at times he wanted Heiderich's appearance to deceive.

"Grecia gave us some stale bread," Alphonse said, flipping open one of the heavy books on the table. His eyes busily scanned, never stopping once while he spoke. "I'm sure if you dip it in the water it should be fine."

"So we've finished...?" Edward inquired after taking a deep sip of the hot water from the cup. Alphonse nodded, looking up momentarily to smile gratefully.

"All thanks to you."

When those blue eyes began to mutate into gold, Edward looked away and shook his head. "Heh, I'm used to this. It's nothing."

The legs of the chair scraped piercingly against the floor as Alphonse got up, book in hand. Silence descended the small, dimly lit room, save for the light clinks of glass against glass. Following Alphonse's words, Edward examined the clear fluid in the beaker and then wafted the scent. It was barely noticeable, but indeed it did seem like the fuel was complete. He couldn't recall finishing it, though. It was like he had been working like an automaton last night, even his goal displaced in his mind.

What he didn't notice was Alphonse staring at him with a solemn expression. However, before Alphonse could voice a question that had been answered before, they could hear the sound of footsteps ascending the stairwell. They lived on the top of Grecia's bakery, rarely receiving visitors other than Grecia; however, at this time she would be busy at work. Alphonse and Edward glanced at one another, but with remembrance of the phone call from yesterday, the identity of the visitor was quickly illuminated.

There were two simple, but heavy, knocks on the door and Alphonse took such large strands to answer it that he seemed to be leaping. Unlocking the latches, he cracked the door open to reveal their new patron.

He was young; not like them, but too young to be funding them for their precarious experiment, nonetheless display an interest in it. He stood tall with a hat covering his raven black hair and was smartly dressed in a navy blue suit. His jacket was draped over right arm, hand resting upon the rounded top of a distinguished cane. But above all, Edward had seen this man before.

He found himself trembling and taking a step back, unable to believe the split resemblance between this man and the one he had seemingly despised in his own world. The coincidence just seemed to unreal, and Edward wondered whether these familiar meetings were meant to tell him something.

"Good afternoon, Gentlemen," he said, taking off his hat. "I'm Roy Mercedes and this..." He inclined his head to the left and there was shuffling. From his limited perspective, Edward could see the swish of a knee length cotton blue skirt, the ivory of a slim arm and sunny strands of hair draped over her shoulder. Alphonse opened the door wider, allowing Edward a full view of Mercedes' acquaintance. "...is my wife, Winry."

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End Chapter One

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A/N: The first chapter is short but if I continue (depending on reader interest), I assure you the chapters will be significantly longer. Don't kill me for the play on Roy's last name! I know, it's dorky, but it had to be done (if Mustang was in reference to the car, which it isn't in the show). 


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